Please stop spoiling an adult.

 This post is specially published for my mother who loves her children unconditionally. I love you mother. I do. But please do not spoil me because eventually, it will disrupt my future self. I would become that lazy couch potato child who lives with their parents eating chips and over weight. God, please distance me from that kind of lifestyle. No, mom. no means no. There are too many consequences of such spoiled can cause a child. For instance, I did not know how to take care of myself because you care too much about me. I become afraid to venture out on my own. Such care is actually poison. Remember mom, ants die because of too much sugar. Please I'm begging you to let go of your child. Let me live my life the way I want it to be. Stop babying me. I'm 27 years old. 

FUCKKK

     Right now I felt terrible fuck up so much. seriously cant seems to think straight at all. why do my family just relax? why can't they feel a little pressured to try a bit better? I feel so demotivated just living with them every day drains my sparks so much. fuck. they are living like a freaking cats. what the fuck. I try to live like them for a few days and it drains me like dried up here. I cant understand their values of life at all. let's be real here do they want to be in this hell hole forever? how long do they wish to live in this shit hut small like an asshole? serious shit they are unreal. they are all so relaxed that they do not think for a better second in the future. yes, I know that we have to appreciate the now. however what if you live for another 30 years? do you still want to stay just the same you are now? fuck man.

Revealing of Hearts

 The title for today is about my mom's heart she reveals her true heart's thought about me today. It sounds great but not. She basically thought me to have an undesirable amount of envy towards my siblings. The most shocking moment is when she deliberately assumed it was just a simple mistake of conversation and words in sentences took place. Honestly, it is not that simple. Words have power. Each word that comes out of our mouth has been through the process of filtration in our minds. 

Mother: Please stop your envy towards Mimi for a while during the process of transferring money to her account.

Kaisya: Do not make an assumption towards me.

Then the drama begins. She basically ignores my self-defence towards her allegation and keeps on with the house chores. What a wonderful mother. I was adamant to assert my self-value and protect it by demonstrating a silent treatment towards my mother. Amazingly she did not realize it until Along came and ask her. 

In the end, I decided to forgive her and just claim that I am wrong because I mistakenly heard her words towards me. truthfully during that time, my heart dissipated into nothingness. Congratulation mother, you have just won a Blacklist medal.