25 years old

This post was not going to mean anything significant as what I have been trying to combat this 2019. the up and down of life has been too surreal that I haven't got the chance to purview the whole situation. mostly, my dormant yearning of becoming a police officer has come up to the surface which I could never have imagined it myself. who knows after several years I come back to Bukit nanas I come back to the heart of Kuala Lumpur and had the chance to be present at the IPD dang Wangi for 2 months. it uses to be in my childhood dream to be able to explore IPD Dang Wangi. the beautiful buildings I use to pass by almost everyday watching it from afar. the beautiful blue hues combine with the ivory snowy white along with the mighty police emblem. I really love the chance I got to spend my practicum period there. 

Buatlah kebaikan demi Allah

Okay mmg tajuk post kali ni agak keagamaan. tapi sememangnya kebelakangan ini aq mengalami dilema utk meneruskan kehidupan ini dengan penuh dedikasi. hanya allah sahaja yang tahu bertapa berkecamuk nya minda hamba nyaa ini. setiap saat aq berfikir benda yang tidak penting.

terkadang ku menyesal kerana melakukan ini pada ku. sesungguh nya aq ingin menjadi lebih baik dari sekarang ini ya allah. dalam hayat ini aq berjanji aq akan menjadi insan yang lebih sempurna. sememangnya aq iri dgn mereka yg berjaya memrangkul pencapaian yang tinggi dalam hidup ini. Ya Allah bantu dan iring la aq ke arah kejayaan.

Mirwana feat JayJay - Aku Tanpa CintaMu

This songs i used to sing it without knowing it real meaning. i always connect and relate this song with my moms breakable promises. but now i finally get the connotation of the lyrics which is so illustrative and symbolism of the ALLAH almighty.  For now wish i can be a good muslim and try my best in performing my ibadah and covering my aurat. i know it is so sudden but i dun want to search for human love its hurt. i want to start my journey and conquest of the right path. I want to search for ALLAH love. its is much more fulfilling rather than that of human love. Allah would never hurt his faithful believers. and i believe all rezeki comes from ALLAh so i have to keep my faith strong as there is no one can give me LOVE other than ALLAH. from HIM i come and to him i end. Thus this is what have to be decided by me tonight right now 10.34pm 17th May 2019 i kaisya will never search for human love but i rather walk on the journey of searching for ALLAH love. there is hell and heaven. and i want and definitely want to be place in the heaven.

Just now, during my Magrib prayer i have decided and pray to stop searching for human affection anymore. It hurt to be hurt by them. i want to jaga my own perasaan and hati. i dun want to get broken by anyone.

I will Close My Heart forever

its not that im searching for someone it just im open for love. But now i feel the hurt n broken of it and i dun like it. i dun want this feeling. it hurts a lot.  those days when i feel free and still can breath fresh air without wondering about a certain someone is just a pure bliss. however now it pure evil and erroneous. i dun want to feel this way. i want to break free. im a free bird and a cage isnt for me.

The heavy feeling within me

There is certainly paramount consideration of a heavy feeling in my chest. i seems to cant figure out the sources of this feeling. Its not that feeling of love, its not that feeling of missing its that kind of feeling where you felt empty within. Tell you the truth actually i feel quite a little bit missing his text which make me furious coz his nature of teasing others. i like that bout him, and yeah for real i dun mind what he is as a person in the society. its not that i was so blinded by love or anything. it just i dun think far enough as to why i have to bother by his social standing.

Back to our main topic, which is tht HEAVY feeling right. well hell yeah that feeling has been conquering ,e for a week. now i finally figure it out that i have that heavy feeling and im planning on subdue it back by being and acting rationale.

Thus this post is about how i will overthrown that rock heavy feeling within me by being me which is a rationale and intelligent and bold n furious me.

Everything Happens for a Reason

#No Regrets

Suratan dan Simpulan Takdir

Hidup tak selalunya indah. Setiap apa yang berlaku mempunyai ketentuan dan membuka laluan hidup seseorang. Semestinya, tiada aku pernah terfikir akan aku mempunyai dan menggapai apa yang aku mimpikan untuk menjadi kenyataan. Alhamdullillah Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya, takdir yang dikurniakan ini lebih manis berbanding kepahitan yang KAU berikan dahulu Ya Allah. Kejayaan itu lebih bermakna setelah melalui kegagalan.

Most biggest even i managed to organised 1 May 2019 dgn kerjasama with Inasis Sme Bank especially Zul Exco Sukan SME n Ayu. He helps me a lot. kalau bukan sebab HEP UUM buat perjumpaan Presiden2 then ade volunteer Student Union Task Force I could never meet them thru Fauzan Pres Ajkps SME. They are the best team. Not to forget Danny as the co-director of our tournament on behalf of UUM Chess Club. The Chess CLub's members also is the best team to be appreciate too. They are simply the best. Now I know the meanings of u have to forms ur Avengers to achieve the impossible.

Now I have to look forwards with my vision of having the International Chess Retreats at Langkawi.

6th Jan 2019

Its been a long time since I have write an entry for my blog. The feeling  I cannot describe because this blog is start it for ranting my overwhelm feeling towards my long time crush.  I could consider myself innocence girl in love because, i would never want to expressed my feeling n i would never thought or even dare thinking to be in a relationship with my crush. yes its stupid but call me whatever i would n shall never  express those feeling towards him. i would treat this blog as a place where i would convey my stupid crush or whenever i felt like to talk about him. for instance sometimes i feel like he n i is close or something, but at 1 point he would just shut me out. i hate it so much. why he did that? y cant he just shut me off if he  doesnt like me? or maybe he just kind right. soits not wrong to be friendly, but its kind of wrong to be friendly when u know or ought to have known that the girl u shower ur kindness with have a feeling towards u.