Living my day

 Hey, I have been away for quite some time now. I actually missed something in my life. These past few months have been turbulence for me and the people around me. Last night, for some reason I don't know why I missed my soulmate(LCJI). Well, it's quite common to miss a person from time to time.

Lately, I have questioned my life plan. I have lots of doubts too. At the age of 27 years old what have I accomplished? Then the next question is am I will ever be ready to migrate to Spain in 5 years? Am I going to be a Chess Grandmaster 10 years from now? How do I achieve these goals? 

I need to build and accumulate tiny good habits every day. I really need to do that. Loving myself is just not enough anymore. I chose to focus on 1 thing in life which is my Chess career. My next big thing is to get that National Master title. 2022 is not that far away. For once in my life, I need to stop thinking that I still got time to leisure around. I watched a Netflix movie last night and the movie got to me. The movie basically got me thinking that time does not wait for anybody. I need to chase time. I am not getting younger. I am getting older by second, minutes, hours, days, months, and years. 

Those who fail to plan is planning to fail. Therefore I am going to plan my life, for real this time. Planing is about a rough sketch at first, then it will become a clearer picture. I already decided that the first thing going in my rough plan is;

1. Finished a book every month.

2. Play 10 chess games per day.

3. Morning Coffee or Tea.

4. Night Self-care routine.

5. Morning daily entry journal.

Mierda!!!

     Fuck you. Well, what I give I should get back. Aku tolong kerja kau while kau melepak dengan jantan. Aku tolong kerja kau yg kau tangguh sebab jantan. Ape sial nyer lepastu kau sidai aku as always sebab jantan. Wey WHAT THE FUCK SIAL!!!  kau memang hidup kau hanya berpaksikan jantan ke bodoh. Lepas tu bile aku marah dengan kau, kau nangis. Eh kau memang sial ke? Lepastu aku pulak yg kene marah dengan mak. Dasar babi. 

    Mak pun dari dulu sampai sekarang kalau anak die gaduh yang nangis tu victim. Yang tak nangis tu yang die akan marah n tegur. FUCK-OFF. The fuck wey aku yang kene marah. Walhal aku dah tolong mak kemas rumah and buang sampah. Meanwhile along tu just lepak dengan jantan. Do you know that Along does not even toleh kat mak la fikir nak tolong ke ape. Hidup dan Mati die hanye untuk Jantan. Die takde ambition whatsoever untuk improve diri sendiri. Yang die tahu die nak improve berape ramai jantan die boleh ade. Aku admit la aku single takde jantan. So jadual aku lain dengan die. But what the fuvk wey. 

    Kau tahu tak kalau kau gune masa kau yg kau spend untuk jantan-jantan kau tu boleh je kejar kejayaan. Seriously I have been trying to say all this things to your face but, I respect ur shit. However, yesterday issues is my last straw. I would never help you so that you can enjoy your time with jantan-jantan kau. Wey aku dah lame sabar kut dengan kau yang on-call malam-malam then ganggu aku nak tidur. The fuck sial kau beli katil King nak share tapi bodoh tak tahu yang nanti nak OTP dengan jantan susah. Bodoh. Kau dah la pemalas basuh baju sendiri pun malas. kemas rak baju sendiri pun sial malas nyer. LOL. Ade hati nak ber-jantan bagai. wey spender baju dalam pun mak tolong basuh. 

    Ehh sudah sudah la jadi malas nyer babi. Kau tak rase malu ke bodoh. Baju kau dari kotor, mak basuh mak sidai mak lipat mak susun. Eiiiii bodoh kau memang sial lepas tu acah nangis acah baik buat aku nampak villain. SIAL!  Mak akan anggap aku jahat. Padehal kau yang macam babi sidai aku lame-lame. Kau memang perangai sial kau sidai jantan kau sampai kau gune kat aku jugak. Babi! Aku tolong kau kemas bilik, kemas rak baju, basuh pinggan mangkuk kau masak tolong kerja kau tolong susun baju kau. Ini aku dapat. Kau memang sial. Aku janji dengan diri aku, yang aku tak kan layan perangai sial pemalas kau ever again. Kau nak malas lantak kau. 

    Btw sial, kau kan memang pemalas kau P.E.M.A.L.A.S. kau jangan ckp dulu kau rajin whatsoever. Wey kalau kau rajin mak or mak sedare kau tak kan compare kau dengan Syikin la. Kau memang pemalas. Bilik air tu kau cuci sinki je sial nyer. Cuci sinki je rupenyer. Tapi care payah tu macam cuci dinding skali. LOL SIAL! Aku memang dah lame sabar dengan kau yang perangai malas babi tu. Dasar perempuan melayu bodoh hidup berpaksikan jantan. 

Please stop spoiling an adult.

 This post is specially published for my mother who loves her children unconditionally. I love you mother. I do. But please do not spoil me because eventually, it will disrupt my future self. I would become that lazy couch potato child who lives with their parents eating chips and over weight. God, please distance me from that kind of lifestyle. No, mom. no means no. There are too many consequences of such spoiled can cause a child. For instance, I did not know how to take care of myself because you care too much about me. I become afraid to venture out on my own. Such care is actually poison. Remember mom, ants die because of too much sugar. Please I'm begging you to let go of your child. Let me live my life the way I want it to be. Stop babying me. I'm 27 years old.