Figuring out Life

Today is the day that I quit my pupilage with Sulaimi Sarmini & Partners KL. It just too much for me and I can't handle it well. Imagine that conveyancing is just much scarier compared with criminal litigation. My soul was eaten alive bit by bit. Eventually, in just under 3 weeks, I have collapsed from extreme pressure. They seem to judge me a lot. The basic letter to be sent out was tremendously rejected due to insufficient legal jargon and grammatical error. Therefore, as nature of conveyancing consist of corresponding letters and letters. Hence I decided to quit. The situation is more like now or never.

 REVELATION DAY

Today is a revelation day for me. I realized the harsh way that the way I give myself away was something too much for them and it would not be reciprocating towards me back. I will only hurt myself. Kau kene ingat kaisya, dalam hidup ini you r nobody to anybody. Simpan hati jangan bagi kat sesiapapun. They never will be deserving to deserve your unconditional extraordinary love. Do not set your self for a trap of disappointment ever again. Cukuplah haritu adalah hari terakhir kau akan kecewa sebegitu sekali kaisya. Jaga hati baik2.  Hati Kaisya only for Kaisya. Maybe maybe far away in the future maybe, Allah will give you someone yang maybe n maybe can take care of your hati. But for now never give it to anyone. Maybe too much maybe. Its all fucking bullshit. But yeah all is well. You can sustain your own self with selflove. Dalam dunia kau hanya kau yang layak dapat ape yang kau provide. Janganlah lagi kongsi hati kau tu dgn org. Orang tak kan Nampak bertapa kau susah or push diri kau untuk dorang. Dorang tak kan terima bende yang membebankan. N dorang will eventually buat kau terbeban pulak lepas tu tunjuk or nak cover ape yang dorang dah abaikan sebelum tu. Bende2 mcm ni memenatkan hati, jiwa dan perasan. Tolonglah janganlah set up ur ownself for another disappointment. 

Peristiwa bersejarah tarikh 16 November 2020, the best day ever for me to realize the fuck up that I am nobody to anybody.  Then 17 November 2020 adalah hari dimana kau juga sedar bahawa kau sayang sangat kat dorang that even the thought of you make them tunggu n susah kan dorang kau akan sedih sampai tertekan yang teramat sangat. Kaisya know that Kaisya will always be here for you.